Dear Gray: Month Thirty-Five

Dear Gray,

So yesterday we had the most fantastic day. You were charming, agreeable, sweet... Gray, you can be the most amazing kid. Today? Not so much.

I knew when I went to get you out of bed and you said "Hold you!" (a leftover from when you first learned to talk that you now use when you are feeling fragile) that we were in for a rough morning. You are napping now and I'm hoping that this nap will re-set your mood because we had a pretty tantrum-filled morning. Let's see... you kicked Charlie for no reason, you screamed "I'm not going to share with Eli today!" (totally unprovoked) and then you dragged no less than eight toys out of your room (and when we asked you to move them off of the table for lunch you freaked out). There was a lot of "It's too hard" and "I'm scared" and "I need help" during our long discussion about returning your toys to your room. These are the cop-out phrases that you use when you don't want to do something and it makes me nuts when you use these excuses. After all, YOU were the one that just dragged that car carrier out of your room and put it on the table... and now it's "too heavy?" Ugh. I am not proud of the way I navigate these disagreements- it usually starts with reasoning, then escalates to time out threats and ends up with me losing my temper. I read an article the other day about how the pre-frontal cortex does not develop until the age of four, and this is why you act like a crazy person sometimes. After you have calmed down, I always ask you why you did it or what you were thinking and you honestly and sweetly say "I don't know, Mama." Oh, baby, it's so hard for me to remember that you really can't control this stuff. It's such a juxtaposition with your amazing verbal abilities.

Yesterday, though, yesterday you were the bee's knees. Your dada had surgery recently and I'm the one on duty all weekend so I just try to think of things to keep us busy and out of his way. We went to your swim lesson in the morning. I tried to prepare you for the fact that I would not be in the water with you- this was your first "solo" lesson. When it came time for me to hand you over to Mr Mark and head to the bench where the parents sit and watch, you totally lost it. You didn't want to sit down, you didn't want to listen, you didn't want to get in the pool. So I sat on the edge of the pool and listened to Mr Mark, while you cowered behind me. Very slowly, I got you to sit in my lap, then on the edge of the pool and then on the first step of the pool. I told you that you could play in the kiddie pool after class and we could go for a treat at Target if you would sit alone and watch the class. And... you did it. I was so proud of you. I retreated to the bench and you kept turning around to smile at me for reassurance. I will never, as long as I live, forget that little smile. I kept giving you thumbs up and saying "You're awesome, Gray! You're doing it!" Eventually you worked your way down the stairs into the pool and actually participated in class a little bit. I was just so, so proud of you. After class we went to the grocery store and you, again, behaved wonderfully. We got "Old McDonald's" for lunch and after nap we hung out and played. It was just a great day.

This morning you guys took a bath and when I brought out the bath crayons you said "Oh, the cleaning ladies didn't take my crayons after all!" I think we told you this (little white) lie OVER A YEAR AGO. We have been laughing all afternoon about the fact that you probably glower at the cleaning ladies every time they come thinking they were hiding those crayons somewhere. You are so funny.

You are alternately great with your brother and... not so great? The sharing stuff is really tough and luckily Eli doesn't seem to care so much yet. You like to teach him how to do/say things, and you always watch out for him ("Mama, Eli's headed for the fireplace again!") I don't think you are a tattletale, I think you really are trying to help me out. I took a picture of you guys holding hands in your car seats this month and it is one of my favorites. I love to think of you guys being friends as you grow up.

We are preparing you for being three next month. We have discussed that three year olds do not have a bed railing, they go on the potty and they do not suck their thumb in public. We are starting to work on the "public" thumb-sucking thing and you are doing okay with that. I try to prep you before we go into a store and this seems to be helping a bit. The potty thing- well, you are SO NOT INTO IT. Every time we talk about it you cannot tell me emphatically enough how much you DO NOT want to go on the potty. The other day I noticed that you or Eli had started to rip a hole in your bed railing and I said "That's it! You don't need this thing any more, we are getting rid of it!" You looked at me and said, "Mama, am I three today?" (Aww!) We have talked about your upcoming birthday and you have told me that you want a toy limousine as well as a limousine cake. Umm, okay?

How is it I almost have a big three-year-old?!

Love,
Mama