Good heavens, my mind is not a happy place to be lately. I am crabby, crabby, crabby and I feel like I don't have a kind word for anyone. I am doing a lot of self talk and trying to remember how lucky and blessed I am and yet... I am just a huge crabbypants. I have a bit of a stomach bug and in spite of feeling very empty and also hungry the scale revolted against me this morning, and that never does anything good for my mood. I didn't run yesterday or today, either, which Phil has noticed has a strong impact on my ability to tolerate... well, my life? The problem with that is that I don't think my knees could handle running EVERY SINGLE DAY, so I am trying to think of other ways to manage stress. Phil is still in a cast (for at least two more weeks- we are finishing up week number four) and on the weekends he tends to need to keep his foot up, so starting 7 AM on Saturday I am a Single Parent for 48 hours. I am trying so hard to appreciate this time with my two small boys, and yet, I wake up on Saturday wishing for Monday. How dare I wish away this time with them? In the mommy-guilt-realm this is what I am the worst at. Is it unrealistic for me to think that I should be excited to spend every moment of my day with my children? I keep thinking "In a year all of this will be so much easier" but will it? Anything can happen, so I get mad at myself for looking forward to naptime or going back to work when I should be relishing the time I get to spend with my children. And then I look at these boys, bury my face in their curls and wish I could make time stand still.
It's so hard.
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