Dear Gray: Month One

Dear Grayson,

So, maybe the pregnancy hormones haven't totally gone away yet, since all it takes for me to get choked up is to think that one day you might read this. I am still unable to sing "You Are My Sunshine" or listen to "Touch of Grey" without crying all over you. When you are older you will probably associate both of those songs with having a wet head, poor kid.

Actually, this first month has been better than I anticipated it would be and I have you to thank for that. You are a pretty easy going guy, and we are starting to figure each other out. Over the last week or so I have started to discern your pattern: long morning and afternoon naps, a few hours of awake/fussy time in the evening and up at 1, 3 and 5 AM each night. The last two nights you have been up for very short feeds and didn't need me to do laps around the house to get you back to sleep, so I am wondering if you are on your way to sleeping for longer periods of time. I am beginning to think that you may do better in your own crib rather than in our room, since I think we bother you with snoring and creaky floors/beds. You are also starting to act like you might start smiling soon, and I can't wait. Your sleeping smiles melt my heart and it will be so fun to see one directed at me!

Your grandma was here this past week and I will never be able to thank her for all the help and support she gave me. I would wake up at four or five in the morning and wander around the house looking for you two... and find you snuggled up in a nest on the couch together, or in her bed. She loved holding and talking to you and it was so hard to see her go home. We are going to try to fly her back for another visit before I go back to work and you get stuck in daycare.

Speaking of daycare, we had a bit of a drama with that this week. I called the daycare we had signed you up for and instead of enrolling you in June, it looks like their first available opening is in NOVEMBER. Needless to say, I got a little hysterical (actually spent the next six hours in tears) trying to figure out what we were going to do for the next five or six months. Luckily, we did find a place with an opening and thus the first lesson in parenting (flexibility) was learned the hard way. As much as I love my job it is hard to imagine leaving you every day with strangers so I just avoid thinking about it until I have to. Of course, every mom feels that way so I'm not being terribly original here.

It has been funny to watch the dogs react to your presence in our house. They finally understand what all those damn toys are doing around the house (you know, the ones they are forbidden to touch). Charlie has acted pretty indifferent about you until recently. Now he is coming around once in a while to sniff at your face or lick your hand. We keep telling him that you are going to be his saving grace once you are able to throw food at him. You still freak Archie the hell out but he is getting used to you. He is finally able to ignore your cries at night (where the first night home he would leap out of bed every time you made a sound) but he still wants to "dominate" you to show you whose boss. We always have to keep an eye on him so he doesn't get too overzealous around you.

I can't believe how fast this month has gone. We can see you getting bigger and acting more alert all the time. At this point, your tricks are limited to peeing on your own face and sucking on your hand. I never anticipated that wiping poop off of boy bits was such a pain... and I can't wait to tell you about it when you are giving me attitude when you are older. We have had a lot of fun moments as well as some hard ones, but it has definitely been worth it. It is an amazing feeling to know that I, of all people, have the power to calm and comfort you. It is probably the best feeling in the entire world.

Love,
Mama