The lowdown

So, yeah, having contractions, dilated to 3, but still conflicted whether I want to have this baby this week or the next. Pros to having it this week (assuming I have some say in the matter tomorrow at my OB appt): lots of grandparents here to shower attention on my clueless firstborn, getting this OVER WITH, and... I can't think of anything else, although "getting it over with" counts for a lot. Cons: I don't have anything scheduled this week so it's like a free week of maternity leave. If I have the baby this week I don't get the Thanksgiving holiday for "free" since I have to count it in my leave- unfair! Also, the plumber is coming to rough in the basement bathroom on Tuesday. I am so tired of hurting and wondering/stressing about the sex of this baby and not being able to play with Gray.

The kitchen made me cry about an hour ago. The floor has finally been installed and while it looks pretty from afar, I can see blobs of polyurethane and poly'd dog hairs here and there. Also, when I was considering cork floors I was told "if you drop a knife in it you will damage it" and I remember thinking, I've never done such a thing, how could that happen? You can guess what happened... although it was not a knife. I have this metallic board on my fridge that I was moving and it fell and stuck straight up in the floor and now we have a 1" cut in the cork. UGH. I just said "I cannot F-ING BELIEVE THIS!" and started to bawl. My whole brand new kitchen feels like it's all damaged already- scratches on the fridge, the granite installers damaged the cabinets (which will get fixed, but still)... it's heartbreaking to think how much time and money went into this project and it all feels broken already. I can't even think about it, I get so mad.

Gray is officially in the "terrible twos" stage and we are both a little confused by his behavior, mostly because he has been such an easy-going kid up to this point. His "thing" is kicking. He kicks in protest when he is mad and I am so tired of getting kicked in the belly when I am cleaning a poopy diaper. Mostly because I don't want to be doing this either but I'm not kicking up a fuss about it. He will go to time out and then when we try to let him out of it he'll say "NO!" and want to stay there. Ultimately my response is, "fine, tell me when you are ready to say sorry" and he'll usually sit there for another couple of minutes. He is STUBBORN and I am not proud to admit I have lost my temper with him rather a lot lately. He is speaking in three word sentences, mostly, so he is easy to communicate with, which I suppose makes some things easier. He is doing a lot of singing lately and it often happens that he'll be going on for a couple of minutes and then I'll recognize the ABC song or 10 Little Monkeys. He's also hit that stage of wanting constant repetition of movies and books and I think we've seen Nemo at least 1000 times and read "Bittie Mousey" at least half that. I know it's how little kids learn, but when you are living through watching the same damn movie for the millionth time it's soooooooo exhausting.

Thanksgiving looms and I have no idea how to even plan for it. It's kind of strange. I won't be doing much of the cooking, needless to say, baby or no baby. Among the many mundane things that I stress and worry over, I am wishing we had found a cheap fridge for our basement since we won't be able to hold much in the way of leftovers in our little counter-depth fridge. (Which I still do not regret, except in situations like this!) This is a weird state to be in- where you know you are going to have a baby sometime in the next week, but don't know when or how or anything about how it's going to go. I remember that this weirded me out a lot the last time around too. GAH!