... (At a loss for words)

I don't really know what to title this post- "Overwhelmed" seems obvious. Right now "I am beat" just keeps running through my head. Having two kids so close in age is brutally hard. I am exhausted by the end of the weekend and I positively dread three day weekends right now. Even though I love them with all of my heart and soul... it is hard. The other day my mom said "I don't know how you do it. Except, I guess, you aren't doing it right now, are you?" And as much as it hurt to hear her say it, she's kind of right. I have been having a really hard time lately. A lot of it has to do with my job and trying to figure out how to do my job with two kids. The thing is that I like my job and I want to keep doing it. I just am not sure I know how right now. The alternative of switching jobs just doesn't seem like an option I want to consider. I am just trying to keep thinking that it will all work out, somehow. I just have to keep plowing ahead and have faith.

I am confused and sort of worried that I keep messing up dates and forgetting things since having Eli. Last night I figured out that somehow I had written the wrong date for my 20 year reunion on my calendar. I can't figure out for the life of me how this happened- I remember having a conversation with someone about it being Homecoming weekend (which it is) as well. How did I come up with that date on my own? I know I wouldn't have looked up the date of Homecoming and decided that was the date of the reunion... but how else did this happen? I have messed a couple of dates up with work meetings too and it makes me just nuts, since I never have done stuff like this before. P says not to worry- that it's just the simple fact of having lots on my plate and two small children. But I still worry and wonder what else am I messing up? Now I don't know if I can swing the reunion- P will be away for work so I'd have to ask my in-laws for help, the plane ticket is not cheap, and it is a whole month before I thought it was so I have less time to lose weight! What to do?

Speaking of weight, I am doing well, but of course nothing happens fast enough. I have been running consistently too and tonight I had my first good run in... well, probably years. The last time I can remember running and feeling good about it was when I lived in downtown Denver, before P moved in with me. That would mean sometime around 2004? Good grief.

I had planned on getting a couple of things done before going to bed but... I just can't. I don't have any focus left at this point. I guess tomorrow is another day.